Nostalgia

A couple of weeks ago as I was cleaning my room, and my computer room I ran across several forgotten and lost memorabilia of my youth. Well Okay of my 20's and teenage years. The first thing I found was an old ID I had thought I had lost. I looked at the girl in the picture, and I saw in her eyes optimism. Her face was young and her hair long and curly at the edge. You knew she was thinking of something while her picture was being taken. I couldn't remember that girl. Youth on her face, but not so much older than me. I hope one day I can find her again. Not the youth but the attitude of anything is possible.

The second thing I found was an old junior high yearbook. Memories flashed quicker than nostalgia could set in. I read what all my friends wrote in my yearbook. Funny I could not remember a could number of them, but most of them I still remember. I started thinking about the person I was in junior high. Again I remember optimism, hope, and endless dreaming. Once again my heart felt a pang. I realized I missed that. I missed that in myself. At 34years old somehow I've become the pessimistic, always looking at the negative person I always promised myself I would never be that type of person. I hope I can change that in my life.

Finally, I found my Indigo Girls cd, Shaming of the Sun, I remember listening to this on the hot summer afternoons at Southwest Texas University. I heard this cd and realized the music spoke to me, and for the first time in my life I admitted to myself I was a lesbian. The cd and the music liberated me and my soul. It was not it several years later that I would come out to my family, and establish myself in a serious same-sex relationship. But the music again hits tha chord of "hope and just feel good about yourself attitude." The feeling that anything is possible and no dreams are too big. And always, Always listening to music made me feel good about everything, myself, and the world around me. There is nothing like a cd, tape, 8-track or some digital device that has the songs that remind you of hot summers where the air tasted of sun, and your skin felt...your soul felt. everything about you,about me felt something..everything.